I'm sorry if my ongoing desire to be a super professional, yoga teacher, and Mom has ever rubbed you the wrong way.
It's me trying to be more than I already am.
And because of this struggle, I'm currently battling with finding peace after a fantastic experience and a dream come true.
I led my third week-long Prenatal Yoga Teacher Training Retreat where I call home in Joshua Tree, California but the first one that fully aligned with my vision: integrating mine and my student's kiddos throughout the training for the best of both worlds.
At the bequest and encouragement of former students, I fully brought my Jennica-isms of playfulness, community building, and dance breaks to the week-long training.
All while making special time with all three of my kiddos (ages 4, 2, and 0)
Because fully sharing our gifts is the best and only way to harmonize home and work life in a healthy way.
And yet, while my light shined brightest while babywearing my 7-month-old baby girl while teaching the business of yoga...
At the end of the week, I felt depleted.
Like I didn't do enough.
I'm not sure if it was a release of pent-up energy from the pure focus required of me to create an incredible healing and learning environment for others while integrating my three kiddos (ages 4, 2, and 0) ...
Or the stark contrast when I returned to my day job as a financial healthcare analyst the next day to troubleshoot failed code.
Or the mad dash to share the week's wisdom with you by selecting my fav video and photo clips.
Or maybe the agony and shame that I have yet to overcome the feeling of "doing enough."
(if I'm being honest, probably all the above).
I know logically and spiritually this combination of always wanting more and never feeling satisfied is not ideal for my mental health or my loved ones.
So I'm reading "A Path With Heart" as part of a new 500-hour yoga teacher training I joined to better support my vision and feed my soul.
This morning's excerpt had advice for dealing with desire that touched my heart, "Want what you have and don't want what you don't have."
I want the ability to provide for my family and spend quality time with them.
I want to bring joy and help connect souls deeply, starting with myself and my family.
I don't want to stop learning.
I don't want to miss an opportunity to spread love because I'm unsure or waiting for perfect.
These words are my reality which is why I'm writing you.
What do you want that you already have?
I'd love to hear from you below.