My stress is a little high lately.
So I wake up early to read.
To catch up on my studies.
An advanced yoga teacher training.
I aim to be certified by the summer.
To help excite inner balance and replace my full-time job income.
I will open a yoga school come fall.
Ironically, I am imbalanced on my quest.
I have created yet another self-imposed deadline.
Will I ever break this cycle of incessant doing?
There's no time to answer now.
My baby wakes up to nurse.
So I wrangle my body as she squirms.
So she can latch.
And I can read my kindle.
Win-Win for this "Balanced Mama" (or so I think).
And then I read a phrase that changes my mind and life.
"How to balance doing and allowing."
I get goosebumps.
There's a life lesson around the corner for this nerd.
I love school (especially real-life and forest school)
So much knowledge to soak up.
As my baby girl continues to suckle
I quickly locate the recipe to balance life:
#1: Focus.
#2: Let go of expectations.
I skip ahead to ensure I didn't miss anything.
I am pleasantly surprised.
These two nuggets are all it takes to be free of my guilt with doing too much and not enough.
Simple.
But not easy.
My baby is sleeping again.
My mind is wide awake.
Time to put to use this knowledge.
So I switch gears.
To draft this message for you.
Focus I'm slowly mastering.
I've stripped away what doesn't align.
I am using my happy statement as my guide.
This shift has made more space for my priorities.
I do more with who I love without wasting time.
But letting go of expectations is harder for me.
I'm supposed to...
...let go of my vision to open a yoga school.
...read just for the sake of reading.
...permit myself to feel stuck.
? This is the path to ultimate balance?
Deep breath.
This part is heavy.
I've been a goal digger my entire life.
And now I'm supposed to relax.
To reach my next level of greatness.
Impossible and not fair.
To let go of my extreme doingness.
It seems counterproductive.
And so not me.
(Please, will one of my three kids wake up.)
I want to do and think about something else.
My immediate reaction and negative self-talk:
I don't know how to let go of what I want most.
I've never done it before.
It is scary and risky.
It isn't me.
My mind pulls to the birth of my firstborn.
After 24 hours of effort, I surrender.
I let go completely.
It was the only way to meet my baby.
Even if it didn't go as planned.
No one could teach me this lesson.
Because I am more than capable of letting go myself.
This aha moment reminded me that no one is perfect, including me.
Yet, we all have something to teach, including you.
My 4-year-old just woke up.
May we each find balance.
What's easier for you: focus or letting go of expectations?
Would you please comment below, so we all gain from your truth?
Namaste,
Jennica